Clowns

On this very moment, I’m standing with my back against a brick wall, cornered like a mad dog. Before me, dark shadows draw closer and angry voices resonate through the small alley. Near desperation, I’m looking for a way out. No ladders near, no piled-up garbage, no bins… nothing. Then all of a sudden, the first of many angry faces appears from the shadows before me.

… no! Not now. Aaargh! Damn flashbacks.

Earlier today, I took Nadia and Pewter to the circus. The common kind. Very large tents, wild animals, acrobats, magicians … and clowns. Shivers already run down my spine by merely mentioning the word ‘clown’. There’s something unexplainably creepy about them. The white-and-red paint, the fake smile, the fiddling around with balloons, the big shoes, an anatomy amazing enough to be able to fit into a car the size of a shoebox with about 20 others… suffice to say I’ve never been too fond of clowns.

When we arrived, the show had already started. The current economic recession had butchered up the audience quite a lot, because enthusiasm seemed to have called in sick today. Therefore, before all others, the clowns were sent to the slaughter. I sniggered when I saw a tiny car drive into the ring. Of course, there were about 10 clowns in it. So predictable. ‘Let them come’, I thought. Like meat thrown to wolves. The rest of the audience seemed to share my opinion, as they began to shout as soon as their cannon fodder had fully freed themselves from the little car. Some of the clowns began to happily slap each other in the face, while others made their way toward the little children in the audience to perform some balloon-animal tricks. That seemed to loosen up the kids a bit. One of the clowns stopped in front of Pewter and started to craft a balloon-animal. Pewter’s eyes widened and he accepted the balloon animal as if it were a Buddha statue. When the clown made his way back to join the rest, Pewter grabbed a little bag of balloons that was dangling from the clown’s pocket. Since he didn’t seem to notice, I thought it better to just let the clown walk in the opposite direction from me. Since Pewter was more than occupied with his efforts to try and copy the little balloon dog he had gotten, Nadia and me quietly watched the show. That is, until all of a sudden…

“Daddy!”

My ears kept on ringing for about ten seconds. “Yes?” Pewter was moving back and forth on his seat and he looked quite troubled. “What is it?”
“Pee!” His answer was loud and clear. Luckily, the clowns had started to take up on honking for no apparent reason. I immediately recognized the emergency and desperately sought for a toilet sign. No toilets. Figures. Then, the balloons that Pewter managed to snatch from the clown caught my eye. “Here”, I told Pewter, “Pee in the balloon. No-one is going to notice”. Like he cared. It took two entire balloons to free him from his burden. The clowns were still doing their thing. I was getting bored and so were the other people. The first ‘boo’ sounded not long after. A childish, yet brilliantly fun idea popped up in my mind. In a split second, I threw both balloons and when they hit their targets, things got hectic. One of the clowns had spotted me and then I had only one option: run like the fucking wind.

… As the clowns show up in front of me, I’d already given up on escaping. I relax a bit and take off my jacket. “Alright clowns. Bring it!” The clowns look at each other, nodd and then reach behind them. I hold in my breath. The next moment, I feel 10 whipped-cream pies land on my face and body with full force. My ‘assailants’ walk away, roaring for laughter, leaving me behind in the alley, covered in bits of sticky pie.

Fucking clowns.